outsideinroads

Life games, music, magic and all the rest. Adventures of the fringe of the fringe amongst the.. "People's Republic of Brighton and Hove"


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Strip

 

who?

 

I

boy

girl

woman

man

shift

thing

 

I, seven layer burrito

~ every shimmer of empty moment space

 

Those boy/girl things. Girlie boy, boyish girl things.

Race into the park after dark, fizz-shimmer of dungarees, muddy paws,

don’t stop bawling, BMX, rock kid beatnik posing. Tumble deep inner world

of creation, girlz run the world OK, in delight in strong friendships,

nurture potential, hunker down and make a world not founded on

all of this.

 

Strip endless

layers

in deep magic,

as

big breast mama, all and many,

realised,

embodied abundance,

pure and endless giving. // In shuddering, perverse,

joyous

masc effeminacy sensation, in free flying, sun of

atomic fusion process, hair in wind,

tall pretty prince of my dreams, myself to

save me, the world, boys

and girls of immateria, our transience, found in

your grace, shy swagger.

 

peel back, discover

hurt aggressor

you don’t want to but it happens and

you do want to,

grabbing manchild all power

push, the worst, in, out

a panic of drive, bug greedy for

bodies, caves,

bodies and

land – all actor, forget to see

humanity, see godspark in

self or other – so fearful, so broken

make tight tangle spark

electricity with hurt

soul, girl. Strange seat of abandonment

slave, girl

I am her

hurt

soul, woman. Strange seat of abandonment

howl, eternity in shit and puke

Death, alone – that whole hole is there

it seems, in this now. In both sides of the switch, relation.

All these are all, beings, godhead –

this being what is left if we leave out the animals ~

the smash bash panic of it all – and ~ breathe ~

feel into the spaces, personify,

allow these relations to smash, waves on shores,

break apart into the nothing they are, and ~

 

the you that speaks to me as I do so,

strong presence, holds,

feels out with me, plays in the

deep darkness with, and guides through become

wildest Light, you, brightest , bestest

masculine energy – you are me, too ~

 

~ spasm` out and small girl, yearning in haze

of sensation and realising – in

climbing rocks and rolling down hillsides,

in explorations on beds and tactile wonders

through landscape soundscapes,

all waterfall meanders, light through trees

and rocks and wind in leaves across

oceans of desire, curiouser and curiouser to

imagine being proud and possible

beaming in expanse with skill and openness ~

boy in desert girl, holed up in all things,

in longings for the ‘pre-op’

girls in phone boxes, perfectly strange

parrot of patriarchal scum phrases

‘best of both worlds’ in ~ not realising

that this ~ feeling !  is not how

everyone feels, secretly

inside (don’t they?), but who are they and

what is it , gay boy in a

young woman’s body vision ~ how is it

possible to make a world out of? That’s not how I ~

~ what I

how is it possible? To glitter and dress up, eye

liner and neon lights in dark corners

poppoppopop pop !

Claim a stake in some kind of being here,

hole up and make a life here (new life, new life)

to spin out shake out sister,

be the best girl, a woman

all breasts and love women and love those women and be also otherwise and be women and love them.

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1 Comment

youth of a thousand summers

The intersection has been experienced as all encompassing

and before I knew where to turn

on first glance – so much of it laid itself ahead

and

all around scatter – a spiral formation in a million shooting stars

starts and spit colour light

threads, to be woven into patterns by us.

 

A dance, the dance, THAT dance

to come of age, to come, to see you in her

sparkling eyes, to hear your voice all simple

to talk me through each

inflection, “hey, hey, a sip of water, a

leap over the

 

precipice, hey, hey… NOW….” To open wide mind

like bish bosh you young gay boy,

you paragon of womanhood !

You, lover, you

 

As a kid I never wanted to be queer

I feared my strange sex, I

found it shameful in myself

where I NEVER did in others. I watched

Frank-N-Furter and did not even.

All love and

empty of blame, I YEARNED

And yet I told myself again and again:

no, no someone to keep me sane

a sensible and

well no, I mean, a boy but ANY boy. I mean a boy

but only the BEST boy. I mean only one who

would never love me. I mean LOVE

ALL LOVED

and I mean only YOU (I mean you…)

and TITS and I mean to be a boy.

 

It was a confusing time, looking back.

 

But never known was

Always known was

I mean music, and a lost self in

Ecstasy. I mean that that was

always the thing. And that

you were, are, always. I mean that in a

golden freedom, in a light

touch, in a madness, in a screaming down the street

there are truths on

that dancefloor,

in those mountains. There is peace.

There are eternal moments

Outside.