outsideinroads

Life games, music, magic and all the rest. Adventures of the fringe of the fringe amongst the.. "People's Republic of Brighton and Hove"


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To start again

So soft scoop 

spike screaming

skip fandango 

melting fluffy over

this incandescent range

deep emotions bury // unearth themselves,

a waveform fluctuation of sediment. Maybe that

transitory moment(s) that set off 

such ricocheting tremors of 

joy and

rage, only weeping nothing, alone

again or in these cave times,

winners and losers tighten up 

to expend themselves and 

this seems like such a dull 

charade. Surprise! Party, remember

what it was like last May and 

the June before that,

your eyes and the glistening 

drops of liquid in the sunlight

on the glass, concave, perfect,

forming their patterns to be 

sloshed over the tide, and 

the dreaming of so many 

humans, their presence, awareness,

energy just infiltrating all 

space, being one’s surroundings. That

moment on the beach when could 

almost feel it, beautiful and

fearful, tantalising. And all this

time I’ve been playing

hard and refusing work 

and working hard. All this time 

the dreams have been shifting

possibilities beyond. But just now

It looks hopeless and my mind

adrift in where you 

all , where, where 

you you all 

and I don’t remember how 

to take a step out into the 

beyond, put on a face, start here

from the resonance of 

this fractured heart, the endless flow

That spins through the breaks, that

flows in and mends them. I wonder 

how to start again.


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Home, London

Home, London. That deep grain hometown feeling in this amorphous human expanse. People don’t know the vast galaxies we made in the corners, central supermassive black holes that could pull us the world outside in a moment, translate out our activities everywhere in a neutron flash. Finding your strange style, and ours, in fashion on the west coast of Mexico, before I knew about the patterns life throws up, yes, but still I tend to think that one was our celestial fashion vomit. And the deep vein connection / anonymous comfortability. Our legs sweat against each other, bus seat thighs. Shades of skin and expression. Cosy down into this, shouty silent safety in the shadow of the city suited thieves and their machinations, illumination symbols twisting around the lot. A twilight Thames embankment walk with my work boss teaching me all kinds of meanings to this imagery I grew up with, always surrounding us. Brixton, Dalston, Brick Lane bustle and swirl, a jumble pot of lives, dreams and hurry… bright orange lights and glowing shop fronts at the top of late 80s Crystal Palace Hill, with its tall metal tower characters and Victorian monsters hiding in green trees. Feet out on grassy parks in warm summertime, humbum, people and people for centuries and miles and miles, views out of windows, from hilltops, endless endless habitations, vibrations, perception points. The mysteries made at playtime, breaking out our moves for shifty molecular twists, vibrating resonance in our threads and stories. Oh, dreams, customs, food, festivals, telly soaps, potions, gods, candles, a same but different choose your own adventure yearning, playing, building, oh joyous sore confusion in the gritty caged playspace, digging for an Otherworld in the dry dirt under a lump of concrete, beneath the holly tree.


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In allowing

Working out, feeling out

where to flow

through

these unrelenting injustices, complex

and desperate human battles, where,

how, to apply the lessons.

Acceptance, as a journey

through process. Be like water.

You don’t have to think,

not all the time, not in the ways

you were taught

…. trust

and act from love. A cog in a wheel

that you surrender, a tipping into,

part of the pattern, flip

in-outwards… act to change, here

butterfly wings, there a trick, a word play,

soft grandmother words. In energetic alchemy,

a piece, a spin. If necessary

violence, too, to feel deep, and still keep

detached perspective

in allowing, work

through me… get out the way!

This is a game we play, but we

are played, danced. And we each dance

the whole dance, and we are

wholly holy, each of

us. Resistance only gravel

don’t sweat it, move, sometimes

the process needs

gravel, doubt and questions

holy holy, and you, you are

made to do this

your way.

Don’t ever doubt it. Those mountains,

those oceans, desert valleys,

motorcycle gangs,

are no obstacle.


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unpack

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You can feel the focus make it worse

the explanation, definition

repetition. Panicked eyes a

clarion call

to urgent unpacking, but where? No space.

You’d better get a

mat down, open some

time loops. This

could

take

centuries.

 

Hop, skip, jump

tip-toed stardancer, soft

a slow trudge

to the station

won’t save you. She never

shows her face, not

to you, not to anyone.

That isn’t part of the game.

Don’t sweat it, sweaty.

 

It’s Halloween, Samhain, so

many spirals travelled

open-veiled, too many

for such

not to disappear

at these times, a blessed

curse, this year found

many ancestors, too. Last year

you were in the process,

you didn’t dare speak it,

last year was a different thing

entirely, with scope to research,

and you forgot to light the fire.

Throughout life

the repetition intensifies,

so many loops.

You’ve never been here.

 

This time, an o p e n i n g ,

mucky pupped with

ghouls and white noise

blankets. Follow the star, remembering

how to dance light-footed, shed,

discard, unguarded, fearless.

Space can still be made for this,

in these worldly times of gathering

darkness,

and it must.

The transformation exists,

it is underneath. Its time is now.


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Karoo Invocation

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Home desert gives free flow to

twisting genetic

freeze frame in strange pattern space.

Bring up processing tension weight release…

Guess I came here to do this. Forgets how spikey old memories that never

happened, to you,

looping trauma patterns.

Shared together, held alone

in empty expanse,

Wider scale than eyes can, tiny details,

perfect flowers at miniaturised, shrub plant, thorns, focus.

Desire to weep, unknown difficulty, but I know I will and invoke safety in it. With all its vaguely teeming with snakey mambas, stacks of bones, its endless vast potential to be lost, this place is safe. I feel it’s gentle hum deep always, and although I am filled with age old chasmic sadness, tears lurking,

it holds firm, steady soul, parental hand in rattle boom storm.

All the stories here, although weighty and familiar, are still stories.

Karoo continues, ta ta ta, ta ta ta, train – hosho rhythm.

Silence. Wind in howls. Wide winged beings taking flight.

Depths in dust.

Connections as they are: loving, strong, essential

will come through.